"What are you doing here?": man asks wife at brothel

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL0910395120080109

Wed Jan 9, 2008 10:23am EST


WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

"I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

(Writing by Chris Borowski, Editing by Matthew Jones)

© Thomson Reuters 2009 All rights reserved

Tom Waits Quoted

One of my VERY favorite artists is Mr. Tom Waits. I say artist because he is a musician, poet, singer, songwriter and playwright amongst other things. If you have ever seen or heard any of his live performances you will most definitely catch his humerus bantering and creative story telling. A great example is his VH1 Storyteller's session. His words, phrases and comparisons might be silly and nonsensical, but that's what makes him Tom Waits.

I have compiled a number of his goofy/philosophical/off the wall quotes and want to share them with you. Enjoy.

The Quotes:

• "There ain't no devil, there's just god when he's drunk."


• "There's a place down the street; Seven X's. What does that mean? Maybe it's... girls without skin."


• "It ain't no sin to take off your skin, and dance around in your bones."


• "All the donuts have names that sound like prostitutes."


• "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."


• "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink."


• "I knew him when he was nothing and he hasn't changed a bit."


• "...it seems a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and lodged itself in the ovaries of a woman standing approximately 100 ft. away. She's alright, the baby's doing fine...of course the soldier's a little pissed off..."


• "...You end up taking advantage of yourself. There ain't no way around that."


• "I'm so goddamn horny the crack of dawn better watch itself around me."


• "Coleen's belly was shakin' like jelly And I'm gettin' harder than Chinese algebra."


• "Oh I don't mind going to weddings, just as long as it's not my own..."


• "And i'm glad that you're gone, but i wish to the lord that you'd come home."


• "I'm not weird about it or anything (Masturbating in this instance). I don't tie myself up first or anything."


• "Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair" Deal out jacks are better on a blanket by the stairs, I'd tell you all my secrets but I'll lie about my past, So send me off to bed forevermore."


• "Never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you're dead."


• "I want to thank you all for being here tonight; it'd be mighty strange here tonight if nobody showed up."


• "Wake me up in my dreams."


• "It takes much more than just wild courage Or you'll hit just the tattered clouds you must have just the right bullets And the first one's always free."


• "The sky turned black and bruised and we had months of heavy rain."


• "If you've lost all hope/If you've lost all your faith I know you can be cared for/I know you can be safe And all of the shamefuls/And all of the whores And even the soldier who pierced the side of the Lord Is down there by the train."


• "Broken umbrellas like dead birds; steam comes out of the grill like the whole God-damn town is ready to blow."


• "...If you want a taste of madness, you'll have to wait in line. You'll probably see someone you know on Heartattack and Vine."


• "And the moon's teeth-marks are on the sky, Like a tarp thrown all over this."


• "The cat'll sleep in the mailbox and we'll never go to town, till we bury every dream in the cold cold ground."


• "Crawlin' down Cahuenga on a broken set of legs..."


• "And it is such a sad old feeling, All the fields are soft and green. And it's memories that I'm stealing, But you're innocent when you dream."


• "The piano is fire wood, Times Square is a dream."


• "Won't you tell me, brave captain why are the wicked, so strong, how can the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves his porch light on."


• "I know a girl, she been married so many times, she got rice marks all over her face."


• "Well, I don't mind working cause I used to be jerking off most of the time, in bars."


• "I lost my St. Christopher now that I've kissed her."


• "I'm reliable sources, I'll tell ya anything you want me to know."


• "My friends think I'm ugly, I gotta masculine face."


• "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king."


• "And when they pulled her from the wreck, you know she still had on her shades."


• "It's harder to get rid of than tattoos."


• "I don't need no make-up, i got real scars, i got hair on my chest, i look good without a shirt."


• "'Cause there's nothin' strange About an axe with bloodstains in the barn. There's always some killin' You got to do around the farm."


• "There's nothing wrong with her that a hundred Dollar's can't fix."


• "... while making feet for children's shoes ..."


• "They take apart their nightmares and they leave 'em by the door."


• "They all come from nice families, but somewhere along the line they picked up ways that just aren't RIGHT."


• "and the things you can't remember tell the things you can't forget that history puts a saint in every dream."


• "You can tell me that it's gospel but I know that it's only church."


• "Matilda asks the sailors `are those dreams or are those prayers?'"


• "I've got a bottle for a trumpet, a hatbox for a drum..."


• "The Moon ain't romantic. It's intimidating as Hell."


• "I did my time in the jail of your arms."


• "And I floated down stream on an old dead tree."


• "Cross my wooden leg, swear on my glass eye."


• "Dig your fingers in the ground. Toss and heave the world around."


• "She was sharp as a razor and soft as a prayer."


• "And the earth died screaming As I lay dreaming."


• "It's new, it's improved, it's old fashioned."


• "The moon was sharp enough to draw blood from a stone."


• "One look in his eyes... and everyone denies... ever having met him."


• "Even jesus wanted just a little more time, when he was walkin' Spanish down the hall."


• "The rooms, they smell like diesel, and you take on the dreams of the ones that have slept there."


• "I'll take a rusty nail, scratch your initials in my arm..."


• "I thought I heard a saxophone, I'm drunk on the moon."


• "Romeo is bleeding, but not so as you'd notice."


• "Broadway's like a serpent spewing shiny top-down cars."


• "I stay in a place called 'Rooms'... There's a whole chain of them."


• "I've lost my equilibrium, my car keys and my pride."


• "It's hard to believe that the same moon shining down on this Chinatown fair could shine down on Illinois and find you there... I love you baby."


• "Tom do this, Tom do that, Tom...don't do that."


• "I'm gonna make like a bakery delivery truck and haul buns."


• "I'll ride upon a field mouse, I was dancin' in the slaughterhouse."


• "I'd like to go drowning, but the ocean doesn't want me today."


• "The monkey rode a blade on an overhead fan."


• "Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head."


• "Well I fell in love with a Gun Street Girl!"


• "Blew a hole in the hood of a yellow Corvette."


• "...Well I hear that it pays well. How do your pistol and your Bible and your sleeping pills go?"


• "Well pale face said to the eyeball kid She just goes clank and boom and steam."