Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Is Steve Jobs, the REAL Dorian Gray!?

A friend told me about this post on Boing Boing Gadgets that I simply just had to read. It's pretty hilarious and the Dorian Gray comparisons of Steve Jobs weight/figure to iPod's weight/figure is a trip! I just extracted a portion of the original post here and linked to the original post below the title.


Inside Steve's Brain Slices: Marvin Battelle on the Thinness of Mac

"....Let's talk about Steve Jobs. I know many of you are concerned by his weight loss. Over the course of a year, Steve Jobs has gone from the robust picture of what you might call "health" to a ghastly, reptiloid skeleton. His skin is translucent. His eyes insanely bulge from sepulchral hollows bored in a fleshless brainpan, underlined by a yellowing rictus that only stops chattering long enough to shout "BOOM!" with a puff of dust.

Is he sick, you wonder? Jobs had cancer, after all. Maybe it came back? Under a blanket in their grandmother's basements, the Cult of Mac flaps their hands around their heads, mascara streaking down their filthy cheeks as they lift their voice up to a shrill falsetto: "Leave Steve Jobs alone!" The internet divides itself into camps: in one corner, those morbidly fascinated by the prospect of a Fortune 500 tech company being driven by a voodoo-resurrected skeleton. The rest, equally fascinated mingers who pretend that they are somehow above the ghoulish delectability of speculating about a man who seems in the midst of the slow process of teleporting himself to Flatland.

But let me ask you a question: did it ever occur to you that Steve Jobs' growing emaciation and Apple's insane obsession with thinness were linked? That we may all, in fact, be witnessing a Dorian Gray scenario, in which the corporeality of one man is ineffably linked with his own insane philosophical ideal? That the thinner Nano, the thinner MacBooks, the contemptuous dumping of the "fat" iPod Classic have their avatar in the chattering skeleton remote-controlled by Imagineers at every Apple press event? A man who has boasted for years of a caloric intake in the negative? A galvanic leader of men who once — by his mocking repetition of the phrase "You're fat, fatty" over and over and over again — reduced no less a personage than Carrot Top to hysterical tears?

In short, hasn't it ever occurred to you that Steve Jobs is getting thinner at the exact same rate as Apple's products?

BOOM! Oh man. Do you feel that? That sense of cosmic rightness, of understanding the whole universe, of seeing the nebulous weave between all things, like 1,500 milligrams of dextromethorphan plunged right through your trephinated shunt? No, don't struggle: just ride it out, my little poppies. Let it wash all over you. Isn't it wonderful? I feel like this all the time."

No comments:

Post a Comment